Possible return of the USA Sports team
by captainspoon
Summary: The Sports team attempt to get themselves back into KOF.
1. Default Chapter

"Possible return of the USA Sports team." Part 1.  
  
The KOF head office in Osaka, Japan. It is here that the teams invited to the King of Fighters tournament come to register themselves for the contest. Chizuru Kagura, one time KOF host, sits at a desk, with a computer, surronded by badly arranged papers, dirty coffee mugs and crap novelty toys. Since failing to impress anyone in KOF 97, Chizuru has been relegated to working in the office. At the other side of the desk, the USA Sports team, Mr T lookalike boxer Heavy D!, lanky ex basketball star Lucky Glauber and huge American footballer Brian Battler. They sit, trying to convince Chizuru to let them into KOF, despite having no invites. The team have not competed since 1994.  
  
Heavy D!- You have to let us in. KOF needs it's oversized sportsmen. We've earned our spot there.  
  
Chizuru- Well, let's see. In 94, you all lost to Kyo in the first round...  
  
Heavy D!- Now come on, he went on to become the champion. Hey Brian, remember how he melted Lucky's old puffa jacket with a "Serpent Wave"?  
  
Heavy and Brain laugh, while Lucky is pissed off.  
  
Lucky- I liked that jacket. Cost me a fortune.  
  
Chizuru- If I may continue, you then lost to the Physco Soldiers in the losers vs losers rounds.  
  
Brian- Damn it. They cheated on us.  
  
Flashback to KOF 94. Team USA vs the Phsyco Soldiers. The last round, Heavy D! against Athena. The boxer is quite clearly beating the crap out of her, before time runs out.  
  
Ref- Time over. Winner is Hea...  
  
Athena- Let us win! Please?! I'll give you a signed CD. (she starts crying her eyes out).  
  
Ref- Are you trying to bribe me? (he then goes up and whispers to Athena) Throw in the photos you did for "Barely Legal" magazine, and it's a deal.  
  
Athena (whispering)- Done.  
  
Ref- Winner is Athena!  
  
Athena is cheering. Heavy D! is angry, having been cheated.  
  
Back to the present.  
  
Lucky- We beat the Koreans after that. We came 7th in that tournament. One place above them.  
  
Chizuru- Well, duh! Everybody beats the Koreans. That's why we hire them every year.  
  
Brian- Explain that one to me?  
  
Chizuru- You see, we pay Kim to bring those useless jobbers Chang and Choi, to give everyone else warm up opponents. Kim is then paid a bit more to lose himself. We had Jhun run over in 2001, because he refused to cooperate with the scam.  
  
The Sports team cannot beleive this. Their one big win, and it was all a fix. They are gutted.  
  
Chizuru- Moving on to 95, you were invited, but turned up late, high on every drug going and leading a conga of freaks and weirdos into the KOF opening ceremony.  
  
Another crappy flashback scene, this time in 1995. The other seven original teams have long since taken part in the ceremony, and they and the audience are bored shitless waiting for our large sportsmen  
  
Kyo- Where the hell are the USA team?  
  
Terry- This stupid ceremony should have finished three hours ago.  
  
Mai- Jesus! What the hell's that!  
  
Ralf- I don't wanna know.  
  
The USA team finally appear. They are completely mashed and humming the Conga tune, with the entire cast of World Heroes behing them, just as high.  
  
Heavy D!- Wa Hey! Conga, Aw man those E's were good. Join in guys.  
  
KOF offical- Did he say E's?  
  
Lucky- Come on everyone, let's all pop some acid. Dance, God damn you.  
  
KOF official- We can't have drugs in the KOF! We've got kids watching, as well as competing. (we see Chin covering the eyes of Athena and Kensou).  
  
Back to the here and now.  
  
Chizuru- So after that, you were kicked out of KOF 95, and we quickly had to replace you with a team of Iori, Billy and Eiji.  
  
Brian- So they kick us out for drug use, and invite a team of criminals and phsycos.  
  
Lucky- Now that's hypocrisy.  
  
Chizuru- Don't blame me, I joined in 96. Speaking of which, just before KOF 96, Lucky and Brian enjoyed a brief affair with Orochi secretaries Mature and Vice.  
  
The two men are lost in dreamland at the memories of the affair, and all the sex that came with it. They are grinning like retards, and Heavy notices that they are drooling.  
  
Heavy D!- HEY! Stop that!  
  
No response. The boxer then smacks his partners across the back of their heads. This brings them back to reality.  
  
Brian- Dammit you bastard! Just cause you didn't get any with those ladies.  
  
Lucky- Your just jealous Heavy, we screwed tose fine orochi babes every which way, and let me tell you something, they loved every minute of it.  
  
Lucky and Brian give their friend a smug look. This lasts until Chizuru finishes the story.  
  
Chizuru- And then the Orochi assasins beat the shit out of you, leaving you both hospitalised and stole your invites to enter themselves into KOF.  
  
The smug looks disappear. Heavy D! gives a little laugh.  
  
Brian- Oh, yeah. You know, I forgot that part.  
  
Lucky- Hey, Heavy. What happened to your invite in 96?  
  
Heavy D! has to think for a minute before answering them.  
  
Heavy D!- I, uhh... I gave it away. To, err, charity. Yeah, that's it. Charity.  
  
He is lying through his teeth and the others can tell. Actually, Our Mr T lookie like sold his invite for a large sum of money to Kasumi Todo. Whilst his partners were in hospital, Heavy treated himself to, among other things, a new sports car and wild nights with Mr Big's ho's.  
  
Will the team get into KOF? What happened from 97 onwards? Find out in part two. Want a copy of Athena's "Barely Legal" photoshoot? Too bad, I made that up. 


	2. chapter 2

Here it is, the (not at all) long awaited part two of my fanfic.  
  
"Possible return of the USA Sports team." Part 2.  
  
The giant sportsmen turned fighters are getting impatient with Chizuru not answering whether she'll let them into this years KOF. Chizuru sorts through the papers on her desk.  
  
Brian- So you gonna let us take part or not?  
  
Heavy D!- Yeah, we been listening to you remind us of these shitty stories for ages now.  
  
Chizuru- I don't know. I'm not convinced, and anyway, we've got the other years tournaments to discuss.  
  
All 3 USA team- Awww! Boring!  
  
Chizuru- In 97, we decided to give your invitations to the New Face team instead.  
  
Brian- Why?! They suck.  
  
Lucky- You chose a rock band over us? Even though they've got a little girlie boy hanging round with them.  
  
Chizuru- They were one of our most popular teams. Pity they all killed themselves for the Orochi. Take your point about Chris though, what the hell gender's he meant to be?  
  
Heavy looks thoughtful, like he's on to something.  
  
Heavy D!- We won the KOF 98 tournament. We beat Shingo for the title.  
  
Chizuru looks at them, they are obviously clueless. She speaks to them in her "talking to children or idiots" voice.  
  
Chizuru- Uh, guys. There was no 98 tournament. After 97, everyone else took a well earned break. However, Kyo tricked Shingo into thinking there was, and that if he beat all of you, he'd be as strong as Kyo.  
  
Heavy D!- That explains a lot.  
  
Brian- Yeah, like why the other teams didn't turn up, why we got no victory party...  
  
Lucky- Why the press laughed at us when we said we won KOF 98.  
  
Yet another bloody flashback,this time to 98. The guys are hanging round their wharf area in the USA chatting about the things they'd like to do to the Women's team (things I can't print here) when Shingo turns up unannounced. He is completely drunk, wearing a "Kyo 4 Life" T shirt.  
  
Shingo- Hai Yaah! I am Shingo Yabuki, Kyo's number one student and obssesive stalker!  
  
Lucky- So?  
  
Shingo- And just like Kyo in 94, I'm gonna kick all your arses. Just to give you guys a chance, you can all fight me at once! I am the KOF champion after all! Prepare for KOF 98, now's the time for Shingomania!  
  
Heavy D!- Shingomania? How completely crap.  
  
Brian- Well, he said he was the champion, so let's kick his arse.  
  
The team then tottaly kick the crap out of Shingo, using every move from the lightest punch to the most powerful SDM. Hiding behind a wall, we see Kyo and Benimaru laughing, Beavis and Butt Head style at Shingo.  
  
Kyo- I told ya he'd fall for it if we got him drunk. Huh huh huh!  
  
Benimaru- Convincing him he was the champ and this was KOF 98. Classic, heh heh heh!  
  
Once again, we go back to the present day, with Chizuru continuing to remind them of each year's events.  
  
Chizuru- In 99, NESTS introduced the four man team rule, and you couldn't find a fourth partner in time.  
  
Lucky- Be fair! They kinda sprung that rule out of nowhere.  
  
Brian- You have any idea how hard it is to find another oversized American sports freak? How many newspaper ads we had to do.  
  
Chizuru- Well, you found one in 2000, a seven foot baseball player named Randy. You were all set to come to KOF 2000, only your plane crashed in the Himalayas, and you three came back a month later, without Randy and covered in bloodstains suspiciously matching his.  
  
Lucky- Doesn't prove anything. We were found innocent.  
  
Chizuru- Mind telling me what did happen to Randy?  
  
Heavy D!- He died in the plane crash, with everyone else.  
  
This is a lie, and the Sports Team have guilty looks on their faces. In reality, Randy survived the crash with them, but they killed and ate him a two weeks later. They had already eaten other dead passengers, and were not desperate enough to touch the leftover airline food. That, and the fact that Randy's ability to fart the theme tune from "Titanic" without shitting himself on the chorus was really pissing them off. At first, when they'd all been stoned it was quite funny. Now,on the 8,000th time it was seriously annoying them. At their trial afterwards, they'd hired Geese Howard as their defence.  
  
Chizuru- Okay, we'll leave that then. Now, on to KOF 2001, NESTS insisted on entering their own team of freaks into the contest. Something about equal opportunities for bizzare weirdos.  
  
Brian- You're telling me. What the fuck are K9999 and Foxy supposed to be, huh?!  
  
Lucky- One looks like a Star Wars alien with that hair, the other's a piss poor Tetsuo ripoff.  
  
Chizuru- They had an anime obsessive in the NESTS cloning department.  
  
Heavy D!- You mean that wasn't Akira's Tetsuo!? He told me he was the real Tetsuo at last year's anime convention. Gave me his autograph and everything!  
  
Everyone else is laughing at Heavy.  
  
Heavy D!- I catch him, he's a dead... whatever he is!  
  
Chizuru- Won't be the first time you've almost murdered a fighter, Heavy. You did attack Seth after the tournament.  
  
Lucky- You never told us about that, man.  
  
Heavy D!- The guy stole my image. I'm the big, mohawked black guy of KOF! Not him!  
  
Chizuru- How convenient that you could blame Iori for Seth's assault. Anyway, how are you guys planning to enter KOF? It's still a four man contest. There's only three of you.  
  
Heavy D!- Ah hah! We've got that sorted.  
  
Lucky- We have?  
  
Brian- No one told me.  
  
Heavy shouts out to the outside of the office.  
  
Heavy D!- You can come in now!  
  
Their fourth partner comes in. And it is..... Bao. Oh yes, the useless,irritating young Phsyco Soldier who cannot fight to save his life. Having failed to win a single fight in three years, the other Phsyco Soldiers kicked him out. He'd endured chants of "Die Bao, Die!" which his partners enthusiastically joined in with. He is really happy, smiling inanely.  
  
Bao- Hi guys. I'm you'r new partner. I promise to take my steroids until I'm as big as you.  
  
Lucky and Brian groan in shame. Chizuru is trying very hard not to burst out laughing. She fails miserably.  
  
Brian- This the best you could do!  
  
Heavy D!- Yeah, he promised to work for free, and he'd make good cannon fodder.  
  
Lucky- Heavy, a word with you. In private.  
  
Brian and Lucky drag their partner to the far corner of the office for a private chat. Bao tries to join them.  
  
Bao- Ooh, team meeting. Can I come?  
  
Brian- Grown ups only. Go away.  
  
Lucky- Go bug Chizuru.  
  
Bao does as he's told.  
  
Brian- We're a sports team. What sport's he play?  
  
Heavy D!- He told me he was good at skipping.  
  
Lucky- So much for our trying to get into KOF.  
  
Brian- We're doomed.  
  
At Chizuru's desk, Bao is annoying her with sob stories about how he was mistreated by the Phsyco Soldiers. She is bored out of her mind.  
  
Bao- And then they got me to take on Ignis, while they ran away giggling as I got the shit kicked out of me...  
  
Chizuru- Whatever.  
  
Bao- And I can tell Heavy only chose me to try and get his team into KOF. They don't like me either. Waaahhh!  
  
Bao is crying, Chizuru is worried. Not about him, but the fact that he's sobbing on her paperwork.  
  
The Sports team watch this.  
  
Lucky- Aw this is pathetic.  
  
They approach Chizuru, having come to a new conclusion.  
  
Heavy D!- Uh, Chizuru. We've been thinking, change of plan. See we've decided not to enter after all.  
  
Lucky- We got our dignity to think about. That kid will bring us down for sure.  
  
Brian- So if you don't mind, we'll leave you to look after Bao. We'll be going now, bye.  
  
Team USA walk towards the door, and then run for it, leaving the annoying Bao with Chizuru.  
  
Chizuru- HEY! You guys get back here! Take this useless waste of space with you! (see's they're not coming back) Right, that's it! You three are NEVER coming back to KOF! (to Bao) And neither are you!  
  
Bao- WHAT! You have to let me in! I'll be better, PLEASE!  
  
Bao is lying on the floor sobbing. Chizuru makes a call to sercurity.  
  
Later on, the Sports Team are gathered in the Japanese branch of King's bar. They have bottles of champagne, and are celebrating the fact that they're not in KOF. Everyone else looks at them like they're mad.  
  
Lucky- Here's to getting out of the KOF, before he made complete arses of ourselves.  
  
Brian- To ditching that crappy little kid in the stupid hat. What an embarrasment he'd have been.  
  
Heavy D!- Now let's concentrate on new careers, cashing in on the fact that we were once fighters in KOF. TV appearances,autobiographies, merchandise...  
  
Unfortunately, as they start drinking, Bao turns up. He's been beaten up by sercurity (consisting of past KOF fighters Eiji, Jhun and Kasumi).  
  
Bao- Can I hang out with you guys?  
  
Brian- No! You worthless...  
  
Lucky- Wait a second. Hey Bao, wanna be useful for once.  
  
Bao- (happy) YEAH! What do I do?  
  
Lucky picks him up, one handed and bounces him basketball style onto the floor. The little brat bounces up and hits the ceiling before crashing back onto the ground.  
  
Bao- Oww! Arghh! Waaah! etc.  
  
The other bar customers and staff give a round of applause.  
  
Brian- Cool! My turn. Bring him back here.  
  
Lucky- Let's see if you do any better.  
  
Heavy D! goes and organises bets with customers in this violent game. Brian postions Bao, like a football before booting him up into the air, smashing into a table. More applause. Blue Mary turns up to arrest them on GBH charges.  
  
Mary- Alright guys! That's enough, you're all under arrest.  
  
Heavy D!- You wanna turn?  
  
Bao- My saviour! I love you Mary (He is hugging Mary's leg)  
  
Mary- Oh, it's you. This kid pisses me off. Anyone got a baseball bat.  
  
One of the bar staff conveniently hands Mary a baseball bat.  
  
Mary- Cool. Okay Lucky, throw the little shit to me.  
  
Lucky hurls Bao towards her. She bats him with a perfect hit, and Bao is sent flying through a window. More applause.  
  
Mary- The kid'll pay for the damage.  
  
Mary leaves the Sports team to continue celebrating their absence from KOF, and plans to cash in on their one time fighter status.  
  
The end. (thank the lord for that)  
  
Like it? Hate it? Please, tell me what you think. My apologies to Bao fans. 


End file.
